Being alone with your thoughts is quite the precarious thing, at least it seems to be with me. A confusing mess of memories, words, pictures, desires, and feelings. Lately, all I've been feeling is division.
I have two very different jobs and many different desires pulling me in opposing directions. I see myself conflicted, in-between the man I was and the man I am becoming.
Both a Saint and a sinner.
A wise man, yet foolish in many areas. I feel as though I’m unraveling and coming apart at the seams. The only thing that keeps me together and clears the dense fog in my head is knowing that in Christ, my faith is not divided. I know that I stand in God’s presence with His full acceptance and the full rights as a son. Something that can never be taken away from me. I know that He is not angry with me when I grow upset with my wife, failing to be patient with her. I know He is not disappointed when I struggle with self control. I know His grace sustains me in times of trouble, sin, and confusion. I guess the most important thing I’ve learned in this circumstance in my life is that He holds me together when my flesh and my spirit pull me in two opposing directions. I can want many different things and still be okay when I don’t get them. ...Because God can teach me to be content. And...I can be divided and still be okay. ...Because God can hold me together.