A Struggling Saint


First and foremost I would like to apologize for my absence from here. And rather than conjure up some new writing, I would like to get to the root of the issue I have been struggling with. I've been apprehensive towards blogging because writing for me and writing for Hope are two different things. Being under the umbrella or attached to the name of Hope Community Church comes with weight. When I write for myself and my website very few people know it's me. However, writing here, my name and face are known. Being in the spotlight is loved by some and loathed by others, and I am one of those others. As one of my favorite musicians has creatively said, 'I'm not afraid of that persecution that came, I'm more afraid of the fame and people knowing my name.'

That's who I am, that's my struggle too.

An introvert who would rather be silent, yet given a message that burns like a fire unable to be put out, and in turn can't be helped but to be shouted out. I also deal with my own insecurities of being under the large shadow of my brother before me. I wish I was more like him, comfortable, charismatic, kind and more socially inclined. I wish my fears were more silent and my faith more prominent...

Have you noticed something? Interestingly enough, this has become a confession more than a blog entry. I guess, if there's something you would take from this, I pray it would be that we all struggle and wrestle with things. Truthfully, none of us have it all together. I mean think about it, the Bible is filled with men and women who were less than and God made them more through Him.

He took sinners and made them into saints.

He came for the ungodly, to turn them godly.

He justified the unworthy and unlikely.

The truth it seems, is that God is invested in people like myself who have issues. So my plan of attack will be to sit back and watch God deal with my junk and turn me into the man He would have me be, in spite of my fragile state. I pray you do the same.

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